This year I am going into my senior year of college, thank GOD (well, I’m excited to graduate, not turn 22). I am happy to say that I am NOT the same person I was freshman year. Freshman year me was too excited to step into college, too excited to be in a sorority, and wondering if my physical therapy major was really for me, confused about boys, and my whole going out phase. Now, incoming senior me is focusing on grad school and not confused about her major anymore. I could not be more grateful for how many tough lessons college has taught me so far, but the top lesson I have learned while in college is that you need to put yourself first. Over everyone. Yes that means your friends, family, significant other, etc. In the end YOU will only have YOURSELF and NOBODY else. Will that person who spread rumors about you matter in 5 years? No. Will that boy who ghosted you and then wound up with another girl matter in 5 years? No. Will the toxic friend that you recently cut ties with matter in 5 years? Not at all. The point is, the people that take advantage of you or the people who treat you like shit WON’T MATTER once you start putting yourself first. When you start putting yourself first, you learn to not give a flying fuck.
So I learned this lesson this semester. During my first year living in my sorority house sophomore year, I learned that it’s important to take time for myself. This was the first part of my lesson to put myself first. Then my junior year comes around. I’m deep into my major, I’m thinking about what grad schools I want to apply to, and really I’m thinking more about what I can do to better myself. My university has a Pre-Physical Therapy major, which what I am. I have stuck with PT since high school, and I couldn’t imagine wanting to go into any other field. With that being said, with my ranking now and how old I am, that’s when I realized that I need to buckle down. I am not the 4.0 student that grad schools love, but I sure as hell have the drive of a 4.0 student that grad schools love. When I decided to put myself first, I found that drive within myself. That drive was in me the entire time, but when I put myself first, I was able to observe that drive even more than ever.
This spring semester for me was interesting to say the least. This was when I experienced a leadership position that wasn’t beneficial to my growth, dealt with shit that I didn’t deserve, and noticed a lot of toxicity and drama between my peers. Once I noticed that that behavior of sneakiness and immaturity, I realized, “well shit, I’m way too old for this” and it stuck. If there was anything that I ranted about, I only told how I truly felt to people who mattered to me. I didn’t want my information spread by people who don’t even talk to me. Later hearing that some of my false (keyword: false) information was being spread behind my back was beyond me!! Witnessing my peers in college resembling high school like toxic actions was the deciding factor that I need to get myself out of this mess, so i did. I dropped my leadership position, and I continued to surround myself with the same small circle I had to get away from the toxicity. And let me tell you, it felt so good.
After realizing that dropping people and positions that didn’t help my growth, I became much happier. I finally didn’t have to deal with something that wouldn’t matter to me once I graduated. I knew I had to focus on finishing up my senior year, having a good time, and most importantly, grad school. My whole perspective changed, and I will continue to cut out people, positions, and workspaces that do not benefit my growth. If that makes me a shitty person, then so be it. I’d rather please myself over pleasing someone else that barely appreciates my acts. You can’t please everyone so it’s better just to please yourself anyway, your happiness is the one that matters.
This lesson is one that’s always hard to learn, but once you start applying it to your daily life, your whole perspective will change. Ever since putting myself first I simply stopped giving a fuck. I don’t worry about other people that don’t matter, I mind my own business, and I keep working on myself to become a better me. Having this perspective in my life helps me focus on new opportunities that come my way, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. I have become more aware of myself, and more considerate on how people I’m close with are feeling, and I am more aware of the surroundings in my life. I have always been mature for my age, but learning that it’s time to grow up in this perspective has changed my life so much, and has left me in a great mental state. If you are in the process of learning this lesson, I hope it comes to you smoothly. No ones happiness matters more than yours ❤